Why Big Families Work

I often speak to parents of 2 or 3 kids who wonder “how can you function with 6?”

Doesn’t 2x kids = 2x time & energy needed?

The short answer is: NO.

Because that equation is missing a vital element, one which I hoped would come true once we had more than 2 kids.

And that is the kids forming their own little communities.

With 2 kids you often end up with a lot of 1:1 time with one or you have two fighting for your attention.

But when the third baby joined our family, we found the older two suddenly spending more time together just playing.

And the more kids we had the more fun they had together. (Yes more arguments too, I’m not trying to even pretend more kids means a calmer household).

But what we found is that over time they discovered that their siblings are the ideal playmates. Others of similar age, similar stages of imagination and similar humour.

The other day I was working from the kitchen table as my wife was off sick in bed and I had our 1-year old and the 3-year old with me. Without setting anything up, they just started pulling out pots and pans and filling them with potatoes and played “cooking”.

45mins of pure bliss. I could crack on with work and they were happy.

Because to be fair, I don’t have the patience for much more than 10mins of filling pots with raw potatoes.

But this isn’t limited to just the siblings of similar ages.

Our 11-year old loves playing with her baby brother.

Our 13-year old loves teaching his toddler brother about superheroes.

And then when we are hiking up mountains our 3 eldest start bonding over the shared suffering and the elation of having made it through one more of daddy’s silly adventures.

A few months ago we took our 6 kids across the world to Hawaii.

Despite the 30-hour travel and sleep deprivation we still managed ok because the kids looked after each other. We have a “swim buddy” system in place where each of the older ones is assigned one of the little ones. So when we are making our way through security or wait at the car rental, they look after one another. Giving my wife and I extra security to get us to our destination safely.

But sure, more kids means more work. More laundry, more dishes, more injuries. And you gotta accept that.

But there is also a significant upside and that is your kids having the chance for a more varied life at home. Different people to play with, learn from and forge bonds with.

Now our oldest kids are entering that teenage phase we are also observing another wonderful element of having a large family.

The older ones have learned to appreciate the life we are working hard to provide for them and they point it out to the younger ones. And when it comes from a “peer” it just lands differently, as evidenced by the sudden spike in homemade birthday gifts my wife and I received from our kids this year.

So yes 2x kids means more time and energy required. But less than you might think and most importantly 2x kids = 200x love in the home.