SealFit Kokoro 42
Five years ago I exercised for 52 hours straight. I got yelled at, was not allowed to sleep and did not get enough food.
I became someone else in those 52 hours.
Why Kokoro?
From a young age I had always been into sports. Although I participated in many sports from rock-climbing to tennis to sailing, I never pushed myself to a competitive level in any of them. After leaving high school I continued exercising but without a clear purpose or goal in mind.
One evening in 2013, I had just finished a round of calisthenics in our bedroom, I opened up a fitness magazine that I had bought days earlier. In it I saw these incredibly fit looking people who seemed to do it all. Running (which I hated), gymnastics (which I was not good at) and olympic weightlifting (which I was scared of).
But something in me sparked a sense of curiosity. Could I become someone who embraced those physical challenges instead of just avoiding them?
During my research into all things CrossFit I stumbled upon a series of videos which showed a string of never-ending CrossFit workouts on steroids. It was a crucible event called "Kokoro". Kokoro is Japanese and translates roughly into "the merging or wholeness of one's heart, spirit and mind". This crucible is a 52-hour event that was devised by former Navy SEAL commander Mark Divine and inspired by the infamous "hell week".
Going back to my teenage years, I had always envisaged myself, joining the Navy. However, I was offered to spend the year after school abroad helping people in need and exploring a new culture. At the time I felt a stronger pull towards the latter. But now, those videos seemed to offer me a chance to test myself in a way which spoke to something deep inside of me.
Did I have what it takes to complete such a crucible event?
Could I transform my body and mind to reach a level that I could be truly proud of?
Transformation
My physical training started by joining the local CrossFit box. I needed to overcome my negative attitude towards running, work on my gymnastic skills and face my fear of olympic weightlifting. But with each new exercise that I added to my skillset, my confidence grew. I learned to embrace the feeling of physical discomfort to push my body to new levels
I got physically stronger in the CrossFit gym, but I also needed to work on strengthening my mind and spirit. After all, Kokoro would require me to transform my whole self. When you are lying in the middle of the surf in the Pacific Ocean at night, your physical strength will not get you through to the next morning.
I joined the 'Unbeatable Mind' academy which is run as part of the personal development program offered by Mark Divine. At that time it was a three year course that combined elements of Eastern philosophies and modern psychological discoveries with practical applications to your everyday life.
I became obsessed with both CrossFit and Unbeatable Mind. The combination of the physical and mental training accelerated my growth much faster than each of their own could have achieved. I felt that I might actually be able to transform myself into someone who could attempt Kokoro camp.
Life outside my little transformation bubble kept throwing new challenges at me. We had our third child in the early summer of 2014 and I was in the midst of a PhD whilst working full-time as a manager.
My studies stand out as the real struggle of that time. The extra pressures stemming from delivering on a research project and teaching often felt overwhelming. It was during these moments of doubt that the inner work of the Unbeatable Mind training truly paid off. Working on clarifying my 'why', visualising the end goal and breaking this behemoth down into micro-goals and celebrating micro-wins were all fundamental for me getting through this.
Training
Kokoro is basically one long workout starting on a Friday morning and finishing around noon on Sunday. Although there are plenty of common elements that everyone coming to Kokoro will encounter, every camp is unique. Which means you will never know what evolutions, i.e. exercise blocks, will be next. You have to be prepared mentally to just accept whatever is thrown at you and then give it your all.
What are the common elements?
Running. Loads of it. You are not allowed to walk the whole 52 hours. It is either running, crawling or slowly running because you are carrying something.
Log PT. You are using a telephone pole weighing somewhere between 100 to 200+kg to perform various exercises. It is picked up off the ground in a group, put on your shoulder, pressed overhead, squatted with, and other sadistic movements. It is physically hard, but more important for a successful Log PT evolution is communication and a team spirit.
Cold water immersion. Ice baths, cold water swims in a lake and hours upon hours in the chilly Pacific surf. You will be cold and wet a lot during Kokoro.
Rucking. A rucksack filled with sandbags will be carried on long marches in the hot sun and/or the middle of the night. And the rucksacks used in Kokoro are of the very basic, blood-circulation-stopping-kind.
Calisthenics. Pushups, squats, situps, burpees, jumping jacks, lunges, flutter kicks, plank holds and many more fun activities.
No sympathy. The coaches are there to physically and mentally push you to your limit as fast as possible. Then they keep pushing. If you do not quit here, if you have prepared your body, mind and spirit enough, you now enter the space for accelerated growth.
I spent hours and hours reading accounts from previous Kokoro graduates, listening to podcasts and watching every single SealFit video multiple times. This study, which was a welcome break from my University studies, helped me understand what I needed to prepare for. I adapted my training accordingly. On top of the regular CrossFit classes I would ruck often and opt to do 'Hero WODs' and SealFit OpWODs on the weekend. These are basically just longer and more gruesome workouts that make you dig deep and truly 'embrace the suck'.
When I think of my training for Kokoro, three memories stand out.
Doing the Hero WOD "Glen" in the freezing rain in January. This workout consists of: 30 Clean-and-Jerks (135/95 lb), 1 mile run, 10 rope climbs (15 ft), 1 mile run and 100 burpees. To test how I would perform exercising when cold and wet I would often just work out in a T-shirt and shorts outside. I live in Scotland, so that means you will be cold and wet 9 out of 10 times. I remember doing Glen in January 2016, three months out from Kokoro. I was freezing my ass off during the runs, my grip was seizing up during the rope climbs and to top it off I would land in a puddle on the concrete floor for every burpee. But, I was smiling. I never stopped. I never even thought of stopping. An inner belief was growing that I might be able to pull this whole thing off!
In hindsight I definitely did not run as much as I should have. However, my rucking game was strong. I used to venture to the local nature reserve with my three kids. Load all of them into our double push-chair/stroller and then go for a 40min walk in the hills. Naturally my trusted GoRuck GR1 was accompanying us with some additional motivation ranging from 20 to 40kg. Towards the later stages of my training I was also sporting a weight-vest. Suffice it to say that no one said hello when passing us.
The weeks before Kokoro, we went to California for a holiday. In order to prepare myself to handle the heat in the required clothing (boots and long trousers also known as BDUs) I would wear my Kokoro outfit everywhere. Zoo, check. Disneyland, check. But not just that. The GR1 was always on my shoulders, loaded with two 10lbs sandbags. My favourite moment was entering one of the animal parks and getting stopped at security. The guard opened my bag, opened my sandbags and then gave me a look which was clearly stating "WTF man?". But he let me go to enjoy my own little suckfest for the day.
Kokoro
A full breakdown of Kokoro takes about 3 hours. Believe me, I have done that to some friends! Well they were friends until that point.
One of my Kokoro brothers actually wrote a whole book about his/our experience and if you really want to know a detailed breakdown of K42, please check out "Slaying the Clowns" by Eric Logan.
Luckily our adventure was also immortalised as a video:
Kokoro was an absolute beast of a crucible event. Hours and hours of calisthenics. Sprints up dry SoCal mountains. Carrying 'wounded' on stretchers through the dessert. 8 hours of 'surf torture'. Push-up waves of 500+ reps. Log PT. Little food. No sleep. And a night ruck which had us all hallucinating. For my part I was thinking that we were passing through some medieval cathedral ruins, I guess I was close to some version of Mordor at that point.
Kokoro certainly showed me what I was able to accomplish physically. It gave me a goal to aim for which I was often unsure of being able to reach before that weekend in April 2016.
But three elements stand out above all else.
The forging of an unbreakable bond. The thirteen of us who completed Kokoro 42 developed an immense trust and camaraderie with one another. I have never experienced that anywhere else, either before or after Kokoro. To this day, I feel a very special connection to my Kokoro brothers and sister. People with whom, at least on paper, I only worked out with for 52 hours.
Kokoro provided me with a deep-seated sense of confidence. With all the things that were going in my life during my preparation for Kokoro, staying focused on this target, embracing hard work in all areas of my life and getting comfortable being uncomfortable are lessons that have shaped me in who I am today. I am stronger in body, mind and soul because of Kokoro.
Kokoro inspired my children's book Ketoko in which I tried to pass on my lessons learned during my Kokoro journey to my children.
Since completing Kokoro I have asked myself many times if I would do it again?
Of course I would.
The lead-up to Kokoro, the person I needed to become to overcome this crucible event and then my transformation during those 52 hours, it was all worth it. I answered a question deep inside of me which had been lingering there for years
