An Unexpected Teacher - A Story
At 19 I spent a year volunteering in a care home for people with learning disabilities. Part of my role was supporting a man with autism.
I thought I was there to help him.
But it turned out, he was helping me. Here's the story:
After leaving high school, I went to Scotland, not knowing anybody there. But I was filled with a desire for adventure. I had chosen to escape the bubble of my childhood (only child living in the city) and live and work in a care home for adults with support needs.
I could not have chosen a more dramatic change to my day-to-day life.
From spending years only focusing on my needs, I was suddenly thrust into a daily routine of putting others first (in a household of 10). The care dictated my whole schedule. And I struggled with that.
Especially when it came to the person I was working with most closely.
Being autistic, he thrived on routines. And a new person in his life certainly did not make his life easier. Caring for someone who did not show any warmth towards me, made me question my decision.
But I was told to persevere. After 3 months or so, he would be happy to have me in his life. I had to learn to put my feelings second and be there for him. To trust the process and accept that things don't always go according to my expectations.
One of my tasks was to support him with cleaning his room. But I had to follow a strict routine:
1. Take out old laundry
2. Change the beds
3. Dust
4. Shake out the carpet
5. Hoover
6. Make the bed
Any deviation from how it was set out, would make him feel uneasy.
I thought that was silly at first. But over time I realised that sticking to the routine helped him feel at ease in a world that so often seemed out of control to him. The more I could help him feel in control, the better he could cope when life threw curveballs in his path.
Another lesson he taught me was about not expecting thanks.
I was told he loved going to concerts and art galleries. But he never expressed any gratitude when we were there. I didn't understand why I was told to go visit these places with him.
But after a few of those outings, I overheard him mention to one of the seniors how much he enjoyed going to that exhibition with me. He just needed time to process the experience first.
Hearing those words meant more to me than a simple thank you after the visit.
But the biggest lesson he taught me was about valuing people who seem different to us.
For example, when we went for a walk together in the gorgeous Scottish countryside there are so many things to see and point out. However, he often did not want me to talk to him.He enjoyed those walks as much as I did, but he loved just being in nature and exploring it by himself. It seemed strange to me to go for a walk with someone in silence.
But it was just different. I did not need to attach a label to it.
That year helped me transform from someone who was living a very self-centred lifestyle to someone who finds purpose in living a life in service to others.
I learned to trust the process.
I learned to value little wins in life.
I learned to have faith in relationships.
I learned to not always assume the worst just because people act differently from you.
I could have never learned those lessons so quickly without my teacher.
